he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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