She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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