I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
