Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
