Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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