I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
