So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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