That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
