just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
