I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
