You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
