I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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