i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
