Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
