On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
