Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
