Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
