Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
