last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
