Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
