and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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