the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you never un-have a 4some
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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