Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize