that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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