So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
