Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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