i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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