He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
