If that was your dad, he is hot
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
