its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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