sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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