She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
