i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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