what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
