WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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