They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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