Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just blew my weed a kiss
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
