we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
