there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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