Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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