I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i believe in u and ur pee
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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