and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
