Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
