you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
