I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
