you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
