Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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