the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
