That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
