I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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