god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
