I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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