me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
