Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize