i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
