Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
