So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
