Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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