Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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