I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
