i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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