listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
