I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize