Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
