Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
