remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
