We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
