.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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