He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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