Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
